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March 22 2017

21 March, 17
>Missing home. I want to go home. Regretting coming to Aussie to study yet not. I just miss having family. It's the most important thing at the end of the day. But so grateful that I've got mum here with me, dad's coming in about 3 weeks, then uncle, aunt and cousin's coming then I've got a month left. Hope time flies faster. Especially this year. Year 3 next year. Can't wait to say its YEAR 3! then YEAR 4. and back home once again surrounded by loved ones. 
I'm too tired to go on. 

March 21 2017

21 March, 17
Picking up
>Love conquers everything. 
Once you've got your heart set on Christ, everything falls into place. Everything falls prostrate before the Lord. 
Slow and steady eyes on you God, I seek your truth with your wisdom, fill my heart and mind to breath pure thoughts, to sing only kind words. 
"Teach me your ways, O LORD, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you." -Psalm 86:11 (NLT)
I only want to be the best for you, and for my future spouse and to the generations that I will be of influence to. Use me God, take my heart, hands, mind and all. Silence all evil and thoughts that give rise to negative thoughts, or give me the strength overpower harm and think Love. Bless me in all I do, in my day and the people I meet, and may I reflect only your You. 
20 March, 17
>I'm standing up. I know who I am. And God is the King of My Heart. With Him within me, I shall not fall. My eyes set on becoming a worship leader, one that lives each moment with worship and one that worships in Spirit and in Truth. 

Paranoid, overthinking
>The mind can be a dangerous weapon. It has the ability to destroy pure intentions and a pure mind but the power lies in the foundation of one. 

March 20 2017


19 March, 17


>"Today we believe God wants us to know that when you do the right thing, it will feel good in your body. Your body never lies. When you feel stress in your body, something is out of balance in your life. Restore the balance, and your body and spirit will reflect the rightness of your choice."


18 March, 17

Bible nights

>“Today we believe God wants us to know that tomorrow you will harvest the seeds you sow today. What kind of seeds do you need to sow today, so tomorrow turns into the dream you have always wanted?”

March 18 2017

17 March, 17
>King of My Heart- Steffany Gretzinger, Jeremy Riddle
Pieces- Steffany Gretzinger
No Longer Slave- Steffany Gretzinger
Good Good Father- Kalley Heiligenthal 

Feeling physically tired after a long day but all pumped up to read the Bible. Been on a streak with my Bible. Trying to cultivating back a daily habit. Always looking forward to my nights. 

>This was the first unbroken sleep I had, and the best after a long time. I woke up before my alarm rang. Happy, well rested and ready for the day. 
Remembered a saying, "Sleep does not help if the soul is tired."
Going off for dance class! Excited! 

March 17 2017

16 March 17, 11.15pm 
Crying once again. 
>Jesus Lover of My Soul// Darlene Zschech, Hillsong, on repeat this time. 
Followed by Brooke's version of Man of Sorrows and Depths. 
It definitely did give me strength to carry on, I felt more determined to be a stronger woman just like Brooke. I was rolling despite crying. 
I really, definitely want to be nurture and grow myself to be a worship leader; just like Brooke but different because I am me.

Road back to loving myself. 
>I have come to realise that I've been my very best when it comes to Jerome, always putting his needs first whenever conscious of me to do. Always loving him in the many different ways. And just being the best version of me as I can for him. I got too caught up seeing the best in him that I forgot to love myself. 
It occurred to me that falling in love was not just about loving him and helping him to be the best.  I'm not just falling in love with him but a reminder to also fall in love with myself, for who I am in his eyes. It's falling back in love with myself for who I can be. My trust in him and my ability to receive his love will grow in our relationship to my ability to trust and love myself. [What did I do to make him love me so much? And what am I going to do to screw it?] 
The first step I am making to healing myself, to loving myself and becoming a better person for God first. 

>Getting tight with Jesus. 

"So put Jesus first, and keep him there. Put your future spouse firmly in second place. You'll be glad you did. And you'll have the best foundation for maturity there is."

-The Dating Manifesto// Lisa Anderson 

March 16 2017

15 March 17, 11.40pm 
Sobbing away. 
Seas of Crimson// Brian Johnson, on repeat on Spotify. 
>I'm struggling with myself. 
I've got a wonderful boyfriend. I love you very much and I know you do love me very much. But I don't understand why do you love me. Or how could someone love me so much. How could anyone love a complete state of mess I am in? It makes me feel horrible about myself, about our relationship. I find it difficult to believe and trust that you love me as real as everything seems. 

16 March 17, 12.20am 
Darlene Zschech
>Tried reading Men Women and The Mystery of Love. Wasn't the book I need at that point. Darlene Zschech's Worship Changes Everything book pops up in my head. Rummage through my bag of books in the cupboard and picked it out of the stack without looking at the title; don't know how but I could recognise which book it was. 

Was reading and that's when I saw... 

"I haven't sensed God's presence for a long time. I used to be so joyful. Now I feel like I'm going through the motions. I don't feel very loved or very loving." 

What followed on was...

"If you are struggling, my friend, please stop. Don't try harder. Just trust more."

(No one had ever told me to stop. Everyone always says to keep pushing on. I've been telling myself that most of my life too.)

And that chapter ended with: 
"Ask Him to show you His love for you- and he will. I know this because I experience His love again and again, and it's this love that has changed everything." 

That made me cry even more because it was truth spoken to me. 

>Had a nightmare that I was standing on a mountain/rocks, up very high, earth beyond reach just clouds below me. I dreamt that I was holding onto someone's hand but the rock I was standing was a table for the other person and the person was sitting on a high stool. As the person was talking to me casually, I was screaming, in extreme fear that I would fall if the person continues talking and not focusing on balancing. And that just kept going on until I woke up, to my bedroom in complete darkness. I check my phone, 4.37am. I see a WhatsApp notification sent at 2.40am, (12.10am on his side; 2 1/2 hour time difference). It was my boyfriend. He was currently at camp, leading worship for the confirmation camp for youths. 

"I love you so much babe." 
"Are you asleep?"  
"I love youuuuuuuu. 2 cigs today." 
"I didn't smoke the whole afternoon." 

I replied him and had a reply from him. Conversed a little then said goodnight. 

As I was about to go back to sleep I remembered coming across an article on dreams and the symbolism behind each type of dream. I googled: "When you dream of falling you fear?" 

I scan through the page till I saw types of falling dreams. And my eyes were fixed on the first one on the list. 

Losing Balance- Dreams of losing balance suggests that the problem lays within you. You are not stable at this moment and need grounding in your life. You need to find ways to become more confident with people and with yourself. Who was around you when you lost balance?  The location and the people around you might give you a hint of what to look out for.

Then what came after was Reason Why You Are Falling (and these were what stuck with me). 

-Afraid of your relationship
-Not having control in a situation
-Failure in love
-Lack of confidence
-Embarrassed that you wouldn’t make the cut
-You’re not in control of your destiny
-Things aren’t working out the way i want it to work out
-Fall out
-Spiralling out of control
-Hitting rock bottom
-Need proper grounding
-Spiritual grounding

I could not believe what I had just read because it was true. I put my phone aside, and tried going back to sleep. Took a few toss and turns. 

>While in class, I decided to open Alldevotion  https://www.alldevotion.com/, where my daily messages 'from' God came. It's been a long time since I last opened it. 
Didn't manage to read it with my classmates beside me, till after class. It said: 

"Today we believe God wants us to know that you do not see things as they are. You see them as you are.

When you look, you see reflections of your being. When you listen, you hear echoes of yourself. If you don't like something about what you see and hear, no point in smashing the mirror, change who you are becoming."

It was truth yet again. It made so much sense. 

For now, it's a road of recovery, healing and love. 

I don't know which direction things will turn next but I'll stop  struggling and trust

March 15 2017

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14/3/17; Sundown

June 30 2015


Settling In: Adelaide, South Australia

Everything's everywhere or should I say I'm all over the place. I have no idea honestly. Things feel right yet wrong. I feel like I've left a part of me in Singapore and my journey here in Adelaide should grow back the other half of my heart. I have no church community and it feels really terrible, haven't been able to play the piano for mass or even touch the keys. It's a horrible feeling. I'm just going to rely on the Holy Spirit and discernment of what I think I should do. 

Walks home after taking bus 600 is scary because the sky is like 7/8 dark and its only 5.40pm? But I get to see the sunset for like a good 5 minutes? And it's scary because it's a really quiet (ah moh moh/ orh lu lu) the walk to my place (about 1.8km) and it becomes a real test of my faith. And today being the first time, I never expected myself to feel so scared that I almost cried and was literally shaking. I've never felt as scared as this. Praise and Worship music pulled me through. And this is the first of the many walks and days home. But I'll trust that God is with me, or he walks with me through the darkest valley so whom shall I fear. 

Let's hope things will get better. Hoping to find a youth community and hopefully play for mass real soon and introduce new mass orders (gloria, psalm, mass orders, our father). Pretty please. 

And I want to go to Calcutta, India. Love the book I am currently reading about a young girl's experience in Calcutta. ALL of what she said relates to me. Its called Lessons of Love and Secrets of Sanctity by Susan Conroy, Grab it if you can. It's a really good read. 

Time to head for bed. 2 jackets, 4 blankets, 1 pair of gloves. Its too cold for me. Another good 2 months? Sigh pie. 

June 16 2015

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June 08 2015

exactly a week to go, 7 more days. 

May 07 2015

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when goodbye is the best way

April 28 2015

1000 3454 500
"The stars lean down to kiss you
As I lie awake I miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
'Cause I wish you were here."

April 15 2015


March 31 2015

2725 ac80 500
Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There is nothing they won’t tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray them, reject them or devalue them, they become the worse type of person. Unfortunately, they end up hurting themselves in the long run. They don’t want to hurt other people. It is against their very nature. They want to make amends and undo the wrong they did. Their life is a wave of highs and lows. They live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations and misunderstandings. They are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they have to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing, and the ones that often become activists for the broken hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved.

-Shannon L. Alder

Reposted bycassandra2707 cassandra2707

March 30 2015

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Holy is the Lord God Almighty
The earth is filled with His glory♡

March 24 2015

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Reposted bygofuckyourselfamoniak
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Reposted bySkydelanUnpredictableblondinlovett
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